It is not easy to be a married couple. People always try to give you advice about something. Of course it is always done out of the best and noble motives. Naturally, it is all useless. Throughout the years of living together the couple inevitably breaks all the rules and taboos at least once. So how does it affect their life?
It is time to crush the most popular myths about family life. We have decoded the secret meaning of all the advice that husband and wife hear from the very first day they tie the knot.
So myth number one: you should not go to sleep without making up after a fight. Well, it sounds quite reasonable – why risk it, what if overnight the fight that has started over something trifle will only flare up and become a real problem? It is better to make up and go to sleep with a clear conciseness and have a fresh start the following morning.
Our opinion: just make a deal with your other half to postpone the continuation of the fight till the morning – especially if it is past midnight, you are exhausted, and there is no foreseeable end to the fight any time soon. After all, not every argument can be limited by time restrictions and unfortunately not all of us can stop at the right time.
Of course it is bad to go to sleep feeling irritated after the fight. But there are certain pluses to it too, even if sometimes you sleep on opposite sides of the bed or separate bedrooms, you will be OK – just as your marriage will be OK also.
The second myth is that the birth of the child makes you even closer with your spouse. Very often after the baby is born (especially if it’s the first baby) the spouses gain a countless number of subjects for conversations. Although all of them are connected to the baby one way or the other…
It seems like the relationship has risen to a new level, but then the husband leaves to work and the baby starts fussing or gets sick. The joy and amusement that this tiny being has aroused at first are gradually replaced with tiredness and irritation – what else can you expect after sleepless nights, nonstop breastfeeding, and diaper changes? Naturally, not a single decent mother will take her frustrations out on a baby, and the righteous anger falls on the one who happens to be nearby. And most often it is the beloved husband.
Our opinion: the birth of a child is above all a test of your relationship. Is there a solution? Yes. You should just accept the fact that all married couples go through a crisis and usually at the time when they expect it the least of all.
Furthermore, a woman needs help taking care of the baby – it is impossible to manage it on your own. The help and support of the loving husband do help a woman to not forget about the roles she has besides being a mother such as a role of a wife and a business woman. If a new mom still cannot even think about going out or is afraid to leave the baby with the dad, other family members, or a nanny, then do not rush things, let everything follow its course.
Another myth: a husband and wife should not only be in a romantic relationship, they should also be friends. It sounds great, doesn’t it? After all, a wife knows her husband better than anybody else, so why not consider him the best friend?
Our opinion: romantic relationship is different from a friendship. Do not have illusions that one person will manage to become a personification of both passionate love and fond friendship. It simply does not happen like that.
In other words, do not blame yourself if you do not feel a friendly attachment to your spouse – this is what you have your girlfriends/guy friends for. The important thing is to keep that connection with each other, and what you are going to call it is up to you. Always take an interest in your spouse’s life. When leaving in the morning, ask about your spouse’s plan for the day and when you see each other in the evening make sure to inquire about how the day went and how successful they were with their to-do-list.
The next myth is that unsatisfactory sex life is not a problem. The first few months after the baby is born, the hormones, exhaustion, and excessive irritability do not contribute to the improvement of your sex life, therefore you should not force things to happen. A husband should treat the situation with understanding and store up on patience.
Our opinion: at the risk of causing many young moms dissatisfaction, we strongly declare that it is exactly after the baby is born that sex is extremely important and even necessary to preserve your relationship.
When you are constantly busy, suffer from lack of sleep and chronic stress, when you see your husband only in the morning and late in the evening, sex is the quickest and the most effective way to strengthen your relationship, even if you do not any more feel that wild attraction that you used to feel when you first got married.
Also, do not think that good sex requires particular conditions such as romantic dinner, special atmosphere and privacy, otherwise you will wait for this “ideal moment” forever, which will serve you as one more cause for disappointment and stress. Do not wait for ideal circumstances, but rather use any opportunity you get. Learn to appreciate quick sex, it liberates and drastically broadens your sexual repertoire.
Another myth: do not fight in front of the kids. The sight of the parents fighting is awful and can traumatize the child’s nervous system. Small children unmistakably identify when you are irritated and angry (your mood transfers to them), and older kids watching their parents fight are scared that they can get a divorce.
Our opinion: watching the parents resolve a family conflict can actually be even useful for a child since he or she finds out that even the closest people sometimes cannot reach a mutual understanding. It is impossible to avoid conflict. If your family life is not clouded by disagreements then you have found your ideal partner. But ideal is so boring…
In other words, watching the parents fight is okay for kids and even useful. But there is one condition (as always). If your fight is taking place in front of the underage witnesses, you should fight by the rule. Instead of calling the spouse names, just express your concern to them in a civil way. Condemn the action (or the lack of such) and not the person. If the fight is too heated and solving it peacefully is not possible then try to make sure that the kids are not in the room.
And the last myth: do not take your other half for granted. This is the secret to happy and strong marriage, isn’t it? Once you start taking your spouse for granted, you stop appreciating them.
Our opinion: taking the other half for granted means trusting them completely, relying on them and believing that he or she will be there by your side when you need them.
It also means that you have taken on certain responsibilities and roles in your family. When you have a family and kids, being a absolutely sure in your partner only provides support and gives strength to your relationship. However, do not forget that taking the other half for granted and taking all the sacrifices for granted are two different things. A simple “thank you” works miracles.